Once again... This isn't me!
From time to time I will post a photo that simply ISN'T ME! Check back to learn more about who I am NOT!
Showing posts with label Fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fun. Show all posts
Monday, March 3, 2008
This isn't me
From time to time I will post a photo that simply ISN'T ME! Check back to learn more about who I am NOT!
Friday, February 29, 2008
New Feature
It's been a while since I posted anything here so most of my loyal readers have slipped into the bad habit of not stopping by. But this new feature will be sure to attract them back...
THIS ISN'T ME
That's right! From time to time I will post a photo that simply ISN'T ME! Check back to learn more about who I am NOT!
Friday, November 23, 2007
Friday's Finds
Yes, it's time once again, for another issue of Fridays Finds. The one day each week when I share with you some of the many unique places I find on the web.
The sites listed could vary in content from funny to educational, or bizarre to just plain enjoyable. Some might be commercial sites selling unusual items and others might be freely sharing whatever information they have. Most of the time, I'll include a description with the link to give you an idea of what to expect. Sometimes, you'll be on your own. But, in most cases you should be able to figure out what to expect by the name of the site although some may surprise you. So climb aboard, fasten your seatbelts, keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times but please have fun!
1. Where Elvis comes alive.
2. Monitor Camera
3. Christmas Lore
4. Christmas Carol Sing-along
5. How long til Christmas?
6. Christmas shopping online
The sites listed could vary in content from funny to educational, or bizarre to just plain enjoyable. Some might be commercial sites selling unusual items and others might be freely sharing whatever information they have. Most of the time, I'll include a description with the link to give you an idea of what to expect. Sometimes, you'll be on your own. But, in most cases you should be able to figure out what to expect by the name of the site although some may surprise you. So climb aboard, fasten your seatbelts, keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times but please have fun!
1. Where Elvis comes alive.
2. Monitor Camera
3. Christmas Lore
4. Christmas Carol Sing-along
5. How long til Christmas?
6. Christmas shopping online
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
More Thanksgivng stories and jokes
The PREGNANT TURKEY:
One year at Thanksgiving, a woman was invited to her daughters house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible the daughter is, the woman decides to play a trick on her. She tells her daughter that she needed something from the store.
When the daughter left, the woman took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, the daughter pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, the mother exclaimed: “You’ve cooked a pregnant bird!” At the reality of this horrifying news, the daughter started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
One year at Thanksgiving, a woman was invited to her daughters house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible the daughter is, the woman decides to play a trick on her. She tells her daughter that she needed something from the store.
When the daughter left, the woman took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, the daughter pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, the mother exclaimed: “You’ve cooked a pregnant bird!” At the reality of this horrifying news, the daughter started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
Fact or Fable? I don't know, but I would have liked to have been there for that one.
Here's more Thanksgiving fun:
The turkey shot out of the oven
The turkey shot out of the oven
And rocketed into the air,
It knocked every plate off the table
And partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
And burst with a deafening boom,
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
Completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
It totally coated the floor,
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
Where there'd never been turkey before.
It blanketed every appliance,
It smeared every saucer and bowl,
There wasn't a way I could stop it,
That turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
And thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I'd never again stuff a turkey
With popcorn that hadn't been popped.
A couple more jokes:
Q. Why do turkeys go gobble, gobble?
A. Because they never learned table manners.
Q. What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?
A. He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
The Parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"
Monday, November 19, 2007
Surviving the Holidays - Tips for enhancing the memories.
Between the frenzy of school and holiday parties, shopping, cooking, and spending, sometimes the spirit of the season seems anything but happy. Stress, over-extended schedules, and concerns over how the money just seems to be flying out of the wallet can turn the season of joy to that of anxiety and hassle. But parents CAN turn the holidays into a time of family and cherished quality time. How? Here are eight ways to help families reconnect and enjoy the season.
1. Serve others
It's better to give than to receive, right? Then turn the saying into a true practice by volunteering TOGETHER as a family. Where? How? The options are endless. A best bet is to choose as a family. Here are some options to get the brainstorming started: Serving dinner at a homeless shelter, helping to sort and inventory items at a local food bank or clothing collection agency, or helping to groom and care for animals at a local shelter.
2. Emphasis hand-made gifts
Why would anyone want a homemade gift when money can buy the latest and greatest on the market? Parents, if your child thinks like this, then this is a value that really should be stressed this season. The holidays are the time to celebrate families and to show love and appreciation to those they love, and not just for the gifts. And what better gesture than a gift made by from hands and heart? Gifts can be as simple as a cherished handprint, a scrapbook, or a service such as housecleaning.
3. Help Kids Learn About Dollars and Sense
Children can start learning about the value of money at a young age, and a good time to teach about budgeting and finances is around the holidays. Letting children shop for an inexpensive gift is a great way to teach how far--or not--a buck will go. It's okay for parents to talk about how much things cost. Educate kids that spending is a choice, and that there is a difference between a "want" and "need."
4. The Gift of Time
Many parents trying to force holiday spirit on their family through movies, shopping, extra activities, and often with the result of overload. The best gift a parent can give is time! Kids love evenings by a fire with hot cocoa and reading holiday books, and may prefer a holiday video watched together as a family than waiting in line at a busy movie theatre. Family games, walks in the park, and even looking at holiday lights while listening to seasonal tunes are what memories are made of.
5. Making memories and establishing traditions
Does you family have a special holiday tradition? If not, add one, and enjoy how it adds to the sense of family tradition and togetherness. How about sharing memories during a special meal? Decorating the tree as a family? Opening one special gift with just your family that has special meaning? Starting a journal with contributions by each member? Have a family PJ night. Building traditions can add to the holiday joy and strengthen families.
6. Reflection and Goal Setting Made Easy
Regardless of the holidays on the calendar, families should embrace the end of the year and new year that lies ahead by setting a direction for the future. Family members can brainstorm together and develop common goals, or at least share personal goals and ask for members' support. Whether it is to eat together more often, to make healthier choices, to limit extracurricular activities, or to work smarter, share your dreams and focus for the new year.
7. Let There Be Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen
Stir up some fun in the kitchen this season for family togetherness. Make a gingerbread village each year, with each member crafting an individual cottage. Or, bake up sugar cookie cut-outs and use imagination with the decorations. Consider stringing popcorn and cranberries while enjoying some home-cooked soup and bread around the fire at the same time. Cooking together brings family members together, and is a great way to combine food, fellowship and fun!
8. Learning to say "Thank You" From The Heart
Kids don't just "know" how to be grateful. It's a taught behavior from parents and other adults. A child's natural tendency is to think selfishly, but parents should emphasize an equal amount of selflessness. While it's natural for children to possess a case of the "greeds" around the holidays, parents should use the season to teach manners, respect for elders, grace, giving, and gratitude.
I hope these ideas give you some ways to improve your holidays and make them more enjoyable and meaningful. Happy Holidays!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Thanksgiving Jokes and Fun
Sometimes the silliest jokes are the funniest. Especially when you're seated around the table and no one is expecting it. It gets even sillier when you can follow it up with another and another. The kids will laugh and the teens will groan. The adults will look at you like you've lost your mind but everyone will be having a good time. Keep a few of these in mind for when the conversation gets slow at your Thanksgiving dinner.
Q. Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?
A. Because he wears his belt buckle on his hat!
Q. If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
A. Their age!
Q. What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
A. Boy! I'm stuffed!
Q. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A. Pilgrims!
Q. Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A. They suspected it of fowl play!
Q. Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A. Yes, the Empire State Building can't jump!
Turkey Warning Poem:
Tell me, Mr. Turkey,
Don't you feel afraid
When you hear us talking
'Bout the plans we've made?
Can't you hear us telling
How we're going to eat
Cranberries and stuffing
With our turkey meat?
Turkey, heed my warning:
Better fly away;
Or you will be sorry
On Thanksgiving day.
-Author Unknown
Don't you feel afraid
When you hear us talking
'Bout the plans we've made?
Can't you hear us telling
How we're going to eat
Cranberries and stuffing
With our turkey meat?
Turkey, heed my warning:
Better fly away;
Or you will be sorry
On Thanksgiving day.
-Author Unknown
More Jokes:
Q. What are the feathers on a turkey's wings called?
A. Turkey Feathers!
Q. Why did the turkey cross the road?
A. It was the chickens day off!
Q. Can you make a turkey float?
A. Sure but you need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer and a turkey!
Q. Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A. The outside!
Thursday, November 1, 2007
What day is it?
Do you ever wake up wondering what day it is? Do you go off to work feeling that you're missing out on something? Do the people aound you always seem to be celebrating, and you don't know why?
Your fears and doubts are over. Here is the November guide to holidays:
November 1: Nutty Pecan Day Now, why do people usually only eat pecans during the holidays? The are cholesterol and sodium free - and are also full of vitamines and minerals. Eating a handful every day is good for you, but don't forget to try out special pecan recipes, too!
November 2: Piggy Bank Day During the Middle Ages, metal was expensive and rarely used for household utinsels. They used an orange clay called "pygg" to make dishes, pots and jars. And when people saved money at home, they put it in a "pygg jar". The name stuck long after the orange clay was forgotten. By the 18th century in England, the pygg jar had become the pig jar or pig bank. Eventually, potters cast the pig bank in the shape of this common name.
November 3: Sandwich Lovers Day We honor John Montague, born in 1718, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich. Said to have been an avid gambler, he invented the sandwich as a time-saving way to eat while involved in a 24 hour card playing session.We like them because there are no dirty dishes!
November 6: I Love Nachos Day Nachos! Nachos! Who's got the Nachos! Celebrate with chips and cheese sause!
November 7: Bittersweet Chocolate Day Chocolate is said to cure all things including depression. And that's good enough for us.
November 8: Harvey Wallbanger Day Apparently Harvey was a surfer with a passion for Galliano and walking into walls. This is one I probably won't be celebrating. Sorry Harvey.
November 9: Neon Sign Day Neon is an inert, gas. British chemists Sir William Ramsey and Morris Travers discovered the element in the atmosphere in 1898 and named it neon for the Greek word that means "new". Little or no use was made of neon until 1910 when Georges Claude experimented with passing an electrical charge through the neon gas. He received a patent for the Neon Sign on this day in 1911.Las Vegas is so glad he did!
November 10: Toothpaste Day The first known toothpaste was made by Egyptian physicians in 2000 B.C. They mixed powdered pumice stone with wine vinegar and brushed it on with a chewing stick. The Romans later used human urine instead of wine because they thought it whitened the teeth. They were right. Urine continued to be used in toothpaste and mouthwash until the 18th century. Modern toothpastes use ammonia to get the same cleaning action today.
November 11: King Tut Day King Tutankahamen, Egypt's child-king became pharaoh at the age of 9 and died when he was 19 - more than 3,000 years ago. His tomb of priceless relics was discovered on November 4th, 1922. You're on your own to decide about the curse!
November 12: Pizza But No Anchovies Pizza Day The word pizza comes from the Latin word picea which the Romans used to describe the blackening of bread in an oven. The world's first true pizzeria "Antica Pizzeria Port'Alba" opened in 1830, and is still in business today in Naples. An Italian immigrant named Gennaro Lombardi opened the first U.S. pizzeria in 1895 in New York City. Pizza is now consumed all over the world - with or without anchovies!
November 13: World Kindness Day Healing the World By Practicing Random Acts Of Kindness"A long sentence that just means one person can do so much.We start by sending you big hugs!
November 14: Spicey Guacamole Day Holey Moley! - Called ahuacatl by the Aztecs, avocados grew wild throughout Central America and Mexico as early as 900 AD. In fact, archeologists have found pottery with images of avocados from this time period. And they are SO good for you! It's a shame that Guacamole looks like baby dodo.
November 15: Clean Out the Fridge Day It's not The Blob - It's not Ghostbuster's Slime - It's the leftovers in your refrigerator and now... they have a life of their own! Get them before they get you! TIP: An open box of baking soda will get rid of that smell!
November 16: Quit Smoking Day Tobacco use is responsible for nearly one of every five deaths in the US. Make this the first day of your smoke-free life! Want To Quit? Get Free On-Line Help Here! Quit Smoking Help Tips
November 17: Take a Hike Day Doctors say walking is the most important part of a healthy life! We care about you, so check out the Hiking and Walking Homepage - plus the Preventions Walking Club! GORP Hiking and Backpacking American Hiking Society
November 18: Mickey Mouse Day MIC - KEY - M-O-U-S-E Mickey is looking really good for his age -he's in his 70's. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MICK!
November 19: Play Monopoly Day Parker Brothers launched Monopoly Today in 1935. The most expensive Monopoly Set was created by jeweler Sidney Mobell of San Francisco in 1988. The $2-million dollar set is 23-karat gold and the dice have 42 full cut diamonds for spots. WHOA!
November 20: Peanut Butter Fudge Day It's Peanut Butter Fudge Day orYou Got Chocolate On My Peanut Butter!
November 21: Hello World Day Celebrate World Hello Day By Saying "Hi" to at least ten people! I'm starting with you, so...HI!
November 22: Thanksgiving Day It's down to the wire - did you forget anything? Dressing? Cranberries? Yams? Corn on the cob? Pumkin Pie? Opps.. what about the turkey
November 23: Eat a Cranberry Day One of only a few native North American fruits, the cranberry was an important staple long before the Pilgrims arrived. Native Americans, who referred to cranberries as sassamanash, made cakes prepared with lean, dried strips of meat pounded into paste and mixed with animal fat, grains and cranberries.Because of the vitamin C content of cranberries, captains of the early sailing ships supplied their sailors with cranberries to prevent scurvy.
November 24: Native American Day In recognition of the significant contributions the first Americans have made to the establishment and growth of our Nation. Native American History
November 25: Shopping Reminder Day Only 24 more shopping days till XMAS!Okay, okay... we don't really know many days you've got to shop. Do you live where the malls are open on weekends - and how about nights? Still, it's time to make that Christmas list. YIKES!
November 26: College Fraternity Day The first Kappa Alpha formed On November 26, 1825. If you are in college, ever went to college or just wanted to go to college, celebrate Fraternity Day!Now... if we can just figure out who first said, "Boola, Boola!"
November 27: Pie In The Face Day Splat! Splat! You've been hit with a virtual whipped cream pie! But only because I love ya'. It's that kind of a day!
November 28: Poloroid Camera Day Ok, who knows why they are called Land cameras? And, no, it's not because they don't work underwater. They are named after Edwin Land, the man who invented the process of instant photography.
November 29: Turkey Leftovers Day It's been a week since Thanksgiving - and you still have turkey left over. Todays the day to use it or chuck it! Cooks struggling with the question of what to do with all of that turkey, deserve their own special day!
November 30: Sacher Torte Day Austrians take their baking seriously - and the definition of a true Sacher Torte had to be decided in court. In the early 1800's, the Congress of Vienna ruled that a Sacher Torte was made of two chocolate cake layers separated by apricot jam with a chocolate glaze on the top and sides. The most famous Sacher Tort is made (of course)at the Sacher Hotel in Vienna, but you can makes your's at home.
Thanks to Hidates.com for all this great information!
Next week we'll be back with our usual Thursday Thinkers feature!
Your fears and doubts are over. Here is the November guide to holidays:
November 1: Nutty Pecan Day Now, why do people usually only eat pecans during the holidays? The are cholesterol and sodium free - and are also full of vitamines and minerals. Eating a handful every day is good for you, but don't forget to try out special pecan recipes, too!
November 2: Piggy Bank Day During the Middle Ages, metal was expensive and rarely used for household utinsels. They used an orange clay called "pygg" to make dishes, pots and jars. And when people saved money at home, they put it in a "pygg jar". The name stuck long after the orange clay was forgotten. By the 18th century in England, the pygg jar had become the pig jar or pig bank. Eventually, potters cast the pig bank in the shape of this common name.
November 3: Sandwich Lovers Day We honor John Montague, born in 1718, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich. Said to have been an avid gambler, he invented the sandwich as a time-saving way to eat while involved in a 24 hour card playing session.We like them because there are no dirty dishes!
November 4: Sadie Hawkins Day Sadie Hawkins Day is an American folk event created by Al Capp in 1937 for the Li'l Abner comic strip. Sadie Hawkins was "the homeliest gal in the hills" who grew tired of waiting for the fellows to come a courtin'. Her father set up a foot race so the unmarried gals could chase the bachelors. You can get the whole story on the official Li'l Abner site. Li'l Abner
November 6: I Love Nachos Day Nachos! Nachos! Who's got the Nachos! Celebrate with chips and cheese sause!
November 7: Bittersweet Chocolate Day Chocolate is said to cure all things including depression. And that's good enough for us.
November 8: Harvey Wallbanger Day Apparently Harvey was a surfer with a passion for Galliano and walking into walls. This is one I probably won't be celebrating. Sorry Harvey.
November 9: Neon Sign Day Neon is an inert, gas. British chemists Sir William Ramsey and Morris Travers discovered the element in the atmosphere in 1898 and named it neon for the Greek word that means "new". Little or no use was made of neon until 1910 when Georges Claude experimented with passing an electrical charge through the neon gas. He received a patent for the Neon Sign on this day in 1911.Las Vegas is so glad he did!
November 10: Toothpaste Day The first known toothpaste was made by Egyptian physicians in 2000 B.C. They mixed powdered pumice stone with wine vinegar and brushed it on with a chewing stick. The Romans later used human urine instead of wine because they thought it whitened the teeth. They were right. Urine continued to be used in toothpaste and mouthwash until the 18th century. Modern toothpastes use ammonia to get the same cleaning action today.
November 11: King Tut Day King Tutankahamen, Egypt's child-king became pharaoh at the age of 9 and died when he was 19 - more than 3,000 years ago. His tomb of priceless relics was discovered on November 4th, 1922. You're on your own to decide about the curse!
November 12: Pizza But No Anchovies Pizza Day The word pizza comes from the Latin word picea which the Romans used to describe the blackening of bread in an oven. The world's first true pizzeria "Antica Pizzeria Port'Alba" opened in 1830, and is still in business today in Naples. An Italian immigrant named Gennaro Lombardi opened the first U.S. pizzeria in 1895 in New York City. Pizza is now consumed all over the world - with or without anchovies!
November 13: World Kindness Day Healing the World By Practicing Random Acts Of Kindness"A long sentence that just means one person can do so much.We start by sending you big hugs!
November 14: Spicey Guacamole Day Holey Moley! - Called ahuacatl by the Aztecs, avocados grew wild throughout Central America and Mexico as early as 900 AD. In fact, archeologists have found pottery with images of avocados from this time period. And they are SO good for you! It's a shame that Guacamole looks like baby dodo.
November 15: Clean Out the Fridge Day It's not The Blob - It's not Ghostbuster's Slime - It's the leftovers in your refrigerator and now... they have a life of their own! Get them before they get you! TIP: An open box of baking soda will get rid of that smell!
November 16: Quit Smoking Day Tobacco use is responsible for nearly one of every five deaths in the US. Make this the first day of your smoke-free life! Want To Quit? Get Free On-Line Help Here! Quit Smoking Help Tips
November 17: Take a Hike Day Doctors say walking is the most important part of a healthy life! We care about you, so check out the Hiking and Walking Homepage - plus the Preventions Walking Club! GORP Hiking and Backpacking American Hiking Society
November 18: Mickey Mouse Day MIC - KEY - M-O-U-S-E Mickey is looking really good for his age -he's in his 70's. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MICK!
November 19: Play Monopoly Day Parker Brothers launched Monopoly Today in 1935. The most expensive Monopoly Set was created by jeweler Sidney Mobell of San Francisco in 1988. The $2-million dollar set is 23-karat gold and the dice have 42 full cut diamonds for spots. WHOA!
November 20: Peanut Butter Fudge Day It's Peanut Butter Fudge Day orYou Got Chocolate On My Peanut Butter!
November 21: Hello World Day Celebrate World Hello Day By Saying "Hi" to at least ten people! I'm starting with you, so...HI!
November 22: Thanksgiving Day It's down to the wire - did you forget anything? Dressing? Cranberries? Yams? Corn on the cob? Pumkin Pie? Opps.. what about the turkey
November 23: Eat a Cranberry Day One of only a few native North American fruits, the cranberry was an important staple long before the Pilgrims arrived. Native Americans, who referred to cranberries as sassamanash, made cakes prepared with lean, dried strips of meat pounded into paste and mixed with animal fat, grains and cranberries.Because of the vitamin C content of cranberries, captains of the early sailing ships supplied their sailors with cranberries to prevent scurvy.
November 24: Native American Day In recognition of the significant contributions the first Americans have made to the establishment and growth of our Nation. Native American History
November 25: Shopping Reminder Day Only 24 more shopping days till XMAS!Okay, okay... we don't really know many days you've got to shop. Do you live where the malls are open on weekends - and how about nights? Still, it's time to make that Christmas list. YIKES!
November 26: College Fraternity Day The first Kappa Alpha formed On November 26, 1825. If you are in college, ever went to college or just wanted to go to college, celebrate Fraternity Day!Now... if we can just figure out who first said, "Boola, Boola!"
November 27: Pie In The Face Day Splat! Splat! You've been hit with a virtual whipped cream pie! But only because I love ya'. It's that kind of a day!
November 28: Poloroid Camera Day Ok, who knows why they are called Land cameras? And, no, it's not because they don't work underwater. They are named after Edwin Land, the man who invented the process of instant photography.
November 29: Turkey Leftovers Day It's been a week since Thanksgiving - and you still have turkey left over. Todays the day to use it or chuck it! Cooks struggling with the question of what to do with all of that turkey, deserve their own special day!
November 30: Sacher Torte Day Austrians take their baking seriously - and the definition of a true Sacher Torte had to be decided in court. In the early 1800's, the Congress of Vienna ruled that a Sacher Torte was made of two chocolate cake layers separated by apricot jam with a chocolate glaze on the top and sides. The most famous Sacher Tort is made (of course)at the Sacher Hotel in Vienna, but you can makes your's at home.
Thanks to Hidates.com for all this great information!
Next week we'll be back with our usual Thursday Thinkers feature!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Halloween Jokes
All kids love silly jokes and they love adults that share them.
The beauty of a one-liner is that kids can remember them. Here's a handful of Halloween one-liners that you can share with your children, nieces, nephews, grandkids, or neighborhood children. Once you do, they will share them with their friends and so on and so on... and you will have planted the seeds for hundreds of smiles today!
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...
Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?A fur coat that fangs around your neck...
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...
Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...
What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...
What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...
What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...
What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves...
What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...
What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...
What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...
What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane...
What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...
What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone...
What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...
Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...
What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...
Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...
The beauty of a one-liner is that kids can remember them. Here's a handful of Halloween one-liners that you can share with your children, nieces, nephews, grandkids, or neighborhood children. Once you do, they will share them with their friends and so on and so on... and you will have planted the seeds for hundreds of smiles today!
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...
Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?A fur coat that fangs around your neck...
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...
Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...
What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...
What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...
What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...
What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves...
What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...
What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...
What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...
What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane...
What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...
What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone...
What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...
Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...
What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...
Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...
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